I used to hate giving feedback. I hated that uncomfortable feeling of delivering bad news or confronting employees who screwed up or came up short. I didn’t know anyone who felt differently. I still don’t. I am hoping this article changes that.
With the trust of your employees and colleagues, you can accomplish amazing things. Trust generates commitment. It generates energy. It encourages people to think for themselves, speak up with confidence, and assume greater responsibility. It eliminates the stress and waste associated with self-protective behaviors. When others trust you and believe you have their best interests at heart, they can be a better version of themselves. Everyone wins. So how does a leader build trust? Here are eight steps that will help you become a trusted leader able to accomplish amazing things.
There is a formula for providing effective feedback. It is really pretty simple and many people know about it. Recently, however, I discovered a common and fatal flaw in the way most people apply that formula. The Feedback Formula The formula involves pointing out a specific, observable behavior and ensuring the other person understands the impact of that behavior. “When you {did/said a particular factual, observable thing}, {it made me/us/the company feel/think/suffer a negative impact}.” Once you’ve made your point, it is time to listen and understand the other person’s perspective on what happened and why. With this new, mutual understanding, you can work together to figure out how to prevent a recurrence. To make this work, you have to:
Wisteria is a climbing vine that drapes big, gorgeous clusters of lilac-colored flowers like a cascading waterfall. It is fairly easy to grow, so much so that it can get out of control and spread wildly. However, did you know that Chinese wisteria twines counterclockwise as it climbs and Japanese wisteria climbs clockwise? If you try to train these two plants in the same direction, you will succeed brilliantly with one and fail dismally with the other. The same is true of people. Your employees are as individual as the multitude of plants that thrive in widely varying conditions. Techniques that help one person thrive drive another person crazy. I think you know this as well as I do.
The Roto-Rooter man was standing on the downhill side of the overflowing sewer access plug in front of our condo. He thought nothing of being in the flow and dropping his tools at his feet. I thought a lot about it. Eeww!
Of all the corporate certificates I’ve ever received, the one I’ve valued above all others is the one that reads “The Person Most Likely To Dispute Recognized Authorities.” I received this honor for my relentless questions about the evidence and conclusions presented from studies by PhDs representing venerable institutions such as Harvard and Stanford. Looking back, I suppose I was completely exasperating.
I have always thought of myself as an active person. Hiking, skiing, ice hockey, ping pong, tennis, wilderness canoeing – you name it and I was game. From my tiny years when playing tackle football meant throwing myself around someone’s legs and hanging on as I was dragged the length of the field to the present day when more dignified activities like pickleball reign, action and sports have been a consistent, and nontrivial, part of my self-image. And then I got a Fitbit. The first few days were great plain fun. I loved watching the fireworks when I achieved the recommended 10,000 steps. I found pleasure in the flights, miles, calories burned, and active minutes that accrued. I bounced out of my chair when buzzed to ensure I hit the hourly minimum throughout the day. About a week in, on a work-filled, rainy Sunday, I pretty much forgot about the Fitbit. I ignored the hourly buzz. I just plugged away to get everything finished. At the end of the day, I was horrified to see I was nowhere near 10,000 steps. I hadn’t even hit 3,000! I missed the hourly minimum hour after hour. The number of calories I burned was pitiful. I may as well forget about eating unless I wanted to gain weight. I was officially sedentary!
I saw a bumper sticker today that read “Mediocre Is The New Fabulous.” This really got to me because it’s a little too true. It is also sad. Mediocrity is a sad state. It’s a state of moderate quality. Ordinary. Middling. We don’t want mediocrity for our families, our towns, our teams, our country, or ourselves. We want fabulous! We want awesome! But calling things awesome doesn’t make them awesome.
I was stumped. I was at a talk on resilience at Alan Weiss’ Million Dollar Consulting Convention and the speaker, Richard Citrin, asked us to map our careers. He demonstrated using himself, much like the diagram at right, describing each achievement and setback through his long career. Then he gave us some time to do the same.
As online shopping has taken over, so have the porch pirates. The losses and inconvenience are adding up. Amazon wants to rectify the situation by gaining access to your home instead of leaving packages on your porch. Nice try, Amazon. But why would I pay you big bucks to let you into my house when no one is home, especially when some of your drivers have proven to be among the pirates?