I’m often contacted about providing workshops and seminars. My most frequent response after listening to the caller is, “You don’t want training.” To understand why I would say that, think about the last class you took at your company. Or even an off-site class, for that matter. If you attended a really good session, you probably left with a good deal energy, eager to apply what you learned. That lasted until you got back to your office and the pile of business-as-usual on your desk and in your inbox devoured your fresh energy. It’s just like returning from vacation. Within about an hour, you are sucked back into the same old challenges and routines; you can’t believe you ever left.
It is amazing that I always remember the name and author of a book I barely started decades ago. The reason I do is because it taught me a powerful lesson that has returned to me countless times throughout my career: If you try to do something to others, you will likely fail. If you try to do something with others, you will likely succeed. The list of truly respectful actions that you can do with others is amazingly short:
If any of the following sound like your performance management system, you aren’t improving performance. You may think you are, but you aren’t. 1. Employees are crushed if they aren’t “Truly Outstanding” or at least “Exceptional.” In an era where “all the children are above average,” especially in companies with outstanding employees, how do you accomplish anything by putting people in boxes that do nothing but confirm their preconceptions or shatter their illusions? And why do you want to put managers in a position where those are their choices? 2. The main take away is a rating and a salary change.
I feel sorry for lots of under-performers. You know the ones. The guys who don’t quite measure up but don’t understand why because no one as ever told them! One minute they hear what sounds like praise, but it’s followed by innuendo and confusing comments. Most of us have no desire to hurt someone’s feelings. So what happens when we have to point out a performance problem? The natural tendency is to try to reduce the bad news by starting off with something positive. That’s the praise that confuses. Especially when you dig really deep to find the good things.
Both sons-in-law were quite taken aback when I made a comment one day about not being judgmental. I have no memory of the context, but I certainly remember the incident! It was almost as jolting as the time my husband, a.k.a my mixed doubles partner, yelled “That’s the third time!” But that’s another story. I asked these shocked young men to give me examples. They did and I was both in agreement and relieved with the evidence presented. Judgmental I was! But a clear distinction was in order!
When I was in my early twenties, the best paying part time job around was driving school buses. I studied up, got my special license, and ventured forth on field trips, athletic excursions, and several daily runs chock full of little, loud blonds (this was Minnesota, afterall). The average driver seemed about forty years older than I, but they were helpful and nice. The Office Manager was another story. I remember one day when I was backing into the bus garage. She stood and watched, so I watched her in addition to all my mirrors. I assumed no reaction from her meant no problem. Wouldn’t you? Afterwards, without a word to me, she walked into the office and reported to my boss that I’d backed over some washing equipment. I never felt it. Never saw it. Don’t even know if it was true. Assuming it was, I couldn’t believe she stood there and watched me do it without any warning of any kind. No shout. No raised arm. No help what so ever.
“Why Men Need Women” (New York Times, 7/21/13) provides data and observations of significance to every business. While you can’t affect the number and gender of your employees’ siblings, there are other insights here that could help you increase collaboration, generosity, and fair treatment of employees. Here are two top lessons: Women in top management positions can increase collaboration, motivation, and innovation. Assembling diverse groups of people, who must rely on each other for success, builds understanding, acceptance, and cooperation. Any business can utilize both of these for immediate gains.
What is your first reaction? And then, how many explanations can you come up with? Careless No attention to detail Stupid Blind Colorblind Doesn’t care Didn’t think it mattered Hoping to get fired Artistic flair Trying to get supervisor in trouble Mosquito attack End of a long day Too drunk to notice Broken back Hit by a car Chased away by a bear Someone else hit by a car Downpour Tool that lifts manholes fell in as the lid dropped Demands equality It is always worth asking before you assume or blame.
When Brad Marchand was interviewed before the Bruins’ Stanley Cup Play-off game last night, he talked about getting his confidence back with a couple of recent goals. Getting his confidence back?!?!?! I don’t doubt him, but consider for a moment that this is one of the best players in the best hockey league in the world and he struggles with confidence? If he struggles with confidence, who doesn’t? The answer, of course, is no one. No one feels confident all the time. Those who pretend to, are either fooling themselves or hoping to to fool the rest of us. No one feels confident in all things and no one feels confident at all times even in the things they do best. Even Marchand, when playing hockey.
You don’t need scientific studies to tell you that fear cripples. It impedes our ability to think clearly, to commit wholeheartedly, and to act promptly. Thus, the ability to conquer fear is a tremendous differentiator. Without that ability, you will endure unnecessary waffling, anxiety, delays, and lost opportunities. You are also far less likely to stand out in a crowd. The good news is that conquering fear is quite simple. It starts with identifying, quite specifically, the source of the fear. Unfamiliar, emotional, important, and/or complex situations often generate fear. That fear, however, is usually very general. You can’t protect yourself from general fears, nor expect to make decisions or take action without understanding why you are hesitant. You must get specific.