We had a Japanese student staying with us during her Thanksgiving school break. She was endlessly curious, but unsure how we might react to some of her questions. Rather than refrain from asking, she has developed the incredibly effective practice of prefacing her questions with: “I don’t know if I can ask this question.” This line accomplished four things: It gave us permission not to answer. It expressed her sincere desire to learn. It warned us that we may be in for a startling question. It made us eager to help her understand and learn. We can all learn a lesson from Midori. She is not the only one who can benefit from understanding others or a situation better. Too often we shy away from asking important questions. Personally, I would rather others asked my thoughts than have them try to guess. When we guess, we usually guess wrong. Asking permission shows interest and respect. Don’t just “let it drop” next time. Try these variations of Midori’s approach to learn what you need to learn: “It may be none of my business, but I’d really like to know …” “Do you mind if I ask you a question?” If you are told it is none of your business, at least you’ve learned something!
Growth can wreak havoc on employees and company performance. As companies grow, employees are stretched, morphed, overwhelmed, and trapped. Meanwhile, fundamental company needs are often ignored. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Growing into Unhappiness Growing into unhappiness is totally common. What happens is a long-term, trusted employee grows up with the company, takes on new responsibilities as needed, and does reasonably well in many different roles. Unfortunately, after several iterations, the assigned responsibilities are often far removed from the passion and interests of the individual. This long-term employee could be a founder, who winds up as CEO, but would really prefer to be immersed in the technology and innovation that made the company succeed in the first place. Or it could be a salesman who now finds himself behind a desk, managing others when he would rather be out talking to customers. There are countless scenarios that can end in unhappiness regardless of individual characteristics. Growing into Failure Not only might these employees grow into positions that make them miserable, they may also find themselves failing. The most important differences among jobs have nothing to do with the things that capture attention: title, salary, status, and office location.
Many of my clients, large and small, share a tendency to keep employees in positions for which they are ill suited far too long. The result is 360 degrees of pain and the solution seems unthinkable. It is time for new thinking. When an employee is not a good match for the job position, those above, below, and on all sides of the employee in question suffer. The supervisor’s expenditure of time, frustration, and anxiety may exceed the total positive contribution made by the mismatched employee. Colleagues of the mismatch may be picking up slack and/or enduring abusive or unpleasant working conditions. Direct reports could be receiving anything from no support to abusive micromanagement. At the very least, they are missing out on a good role model. If you add up the total cost in time, mistakes, missed opportunities, bad precedents, the erosion of energy, the contradiction of company values, and the blow to your own credibility as a leader and manager, the cost of keeping a mismatched employee is huge. Once you realize the full burden of the mismatch, keeping and firing are often seen as the only two choices, and the latter so reeks of surprise and cruelty that it becomes unthinkable.
My head swiveled at the sound of my name. “That woman Ann was just FABULOUS!” I was walking down the hallway after presenting “Sometimes a Great Project – 8 Uncommon Secrets for Repeatable Excellence.” I am accustomed to enthusiastic audiences but that outburst was pretty special. So what caused it? One of the things I know this group really appreciated was that I did not tell them to do more of the same – a little better, a little longer, a little faster, and a little harder. Instead, I gave them eight ways of looking at things differently so they could join the mere 5% who actually finish projects on time and on budget. Since that day, I’ve talked to several attendees and the response is universal.
Our local paper discussing racism in public school quoted a source saying: “If students understand that ‘This teacher has my best interests at heart, this teacher believes in me, and gives me the benefit of the doubt, and if I fail, the teacher will bring me up to speed, and if I’m out, the teacher will miss me,’ they will feel challenged.” Makes it sound pretty simple, doesn’t it. Almost as simple as good management. Do you believe in your employees? Do you help your employees succeed? Is your relationship with them a win-win deal? Do you give them the benefit of the doubt? Help them improve? But managers have an advantage over teachers. Managers get to choose their employees. If an employee proves to be unworthy of the trust and support, you can help him find a better fit. In the meantime, help your employees succeed.
Tim Thomas, the Bruins goalie, has had a stellar start this hockey season. His save percentage and win record are unbelievable but his style is unorthodox at best. Does his style matter? Perhaps your son’s study habits are appalling. He starts his homework so late that you lose sleep worrying. Nonetheless, he gets good grades and the papers you’ve read look pretty darn good. Does his late start matter? Or maybe you have a young employee with a bizarre wardrobe and a messy office who gets more done than others in his position. Does his messiness matter?
The main reason training fails is because it isn’t training that is needed. If you want improvement, it is easy to assume the first thing your employee needs is more training but in most cases, you would be wrong. And when you are wrong, the training you provide will likely be a complete waste. Even when you are right, there are myriad reasons why training has no apparent effect. Training develops skills. While skills are obviously important, skill alone does not allow an employee to succeed. It’s Tough to Succeed if You Don’t Know What You Are Supposed to Do When a client complained that a supervisor was showing no progress in making improvements in her department, I asked the employee to describe her job responsibilities. She produced a well-organized list of tasks needed to keep things moving day to day. There was nothing on her list to indicate that improving the way her department operated was something she needed to think about.
OK, she didn’t exactly roar. However, the quiet helper who always slipped timidly into my house, vacuum cleaner in hand, behind her boss is no longer timid, quiet, or “not quite ready for prime time.” After her boss was sidelined by a serious car accident, “the mouse” walked in with confidence, assured me she would continue to serve me and that the sister in tow had experience, gave me her phone number, actively sought opportunities to go above and beyond, and engaged in relationship-building conversation, though not too much!
When you feel self-confident, big obstacles can seem pretty small, you are persistent, and you believe you will succeed. When you lack self-confidence, even small obstacles can seem enormous, you feel like quitting, and you don’t believe you will succeed. Here are ten steps to build your self-confidence. Don’t draw generalized conclusions about setbacks and mistakes. Recognizing that you made a mistake, were in the wrong job, or didn’t prepare adequately will allow you to learn. Telling yourself that you are stupid will undermine your self-esteem and make learning harder.
After driving Irish roads for three weeks, American roads seem ridiculously wide. Most of our two lane roads would be four lanes in Ireland. On top of that, we have shoulders. Does this make our roads safer? No! It makes our roads BORING!” And the drivers become L-A-Z-Y! No need to look over your shoulder, to come to a full stop, or to use a turning signal. It’ll all work out anyway! Our roads encourage people to find something else to do. Something to occupy their minds, theirs hands, and their mouths. NO WONDER WE NEED SUCH WIDE ROADS!! In Ireland, they have two hands on the wheel and one foot ready to hit the brakes. There is no talking on cell phones. No eating. Even after three weeks and 3000 km on the road I only took quick sips of water if someone could hand me an open … read more →