When you feel self-confident, big obstacles can seem pretty small, you are persistent, and
you believe you will succeed. When you lack self-confidence, even small obstacles can seem enormous, you feel like quitting, and you don’t believe you will succeed. Here are ten steps to build your self-confidence.

1. Don’t draw generalized conclusions about setbacks and mistakes. Recognizing that you made a mistake, were in the wrong job, or didn’t prepare adequately will allow you to learn. Telling yourself that you are stupid will undermine your self-esteem and make learning harder. 
2. Admit your short-comings, at least to yourself. Remember that no one is capable and self-confident in every situation. Unless you advertise yourself as a neurosurgeon, no one expects you to be conversant in neurosurgery. When you encounter a situation that unnerves you, remind yourself that you are competent and confident in many other situations.
3. In areas where you feel a lack of confidence, decide whether it matters. If your cooking embarrasses you, volunteer to wash the dishes, eat out, or learn how to cook.
4. Once you’ve decided to develop your self-confidence in an area, identify specifically the knowledge, skill, and practice needed to make you feel equal to the situation:
   • Learn the context, history, lingo, and rules
   • Understand important protocols
   • Familiarize yourself with the environment
   • Acquire needed skills
   • Come prepared
5. Find ways to practice what you’ve learned. You can only learn so much by reading the book and thinking. More often than not, you have to step out on the plank.
6. Give yourself permission to fail. Most learning requires some failing. If you don’t dare fail, you won’t learn.
7. Ask for feedback, positive and negative, and continue to develop your capabilities. Self-confidence snowballs with a little success. Prepare, perform, and get feedback. Celebrate the successes.
8. Recognize that no setback changes the past; you are still the sum of your character, skills, relationships, and past accomplishments. Don’t let a disappointing interview, a rejected proposal, or night time voices that tell you what you should have said or done degrade your sense of who you are, what you have achieved, or what you need to do next.
9. Manage the emotional roller coaster by picturing yourself on a straight course between the highs and lows. Examine the highs with an eye toward generating more. Scrutinize the lows with the determination to avoid more of the same. Meanwhile, plow ahead with these extremes popping up here and there around you.
10. Stay informed. Track the news, major events, significant books, political races, and Internet trends. NPR, the Wall Street Journal, and the New York Times are great ways to do this. If you are constantly clueless in general conversation, it will erode your self-confidence and your self-esteem.