After almost two decades of running pretty much all of the meetings I attend, I suppose there was a danger that I might forget what it’s like to be on the receiving end.

Well, it all came roaring back to me the other day as I sat helplessly in a socially distanced meeting. All of the memories. All of the horrors. All of the frustration. All of the wishes that I’d found something more pressing to do. I’d call it a sh*t show, now that that term has gone mainstream, but it wasn’t that bad. People were civil and respectful. They took turns speaking. But, we accomplished nothing and thirty people lost an hour and a half of their lives.

I don’t care how well-meaning or experienced you are, you are going to run a terrible meeting and waste people’s time if you don’t know what you are trying to accomplish!

This leader had a general goal. Too general. He had no idea what exactly needed to be different when the meeting ended.

He scheduled an hour and a half and then filled that time with activities. Activities. Not a series of concrete outcomes and a plan for achieving those outcomes.

I’m sure those activities were meant to engage us or something. To get us talking. Whatever. But guess what:

• When I don’t know how to participate effectively, I don’t participate.
• I don’t talk just because it’s my turn to talk.
• I am no good at voicing random opinions, coming up with random examples, or telling random stories–random because I have no idea what we are trying to accomplish.
• Those more extroverted, or maybe more cooperative than I, did their best to make random comments.
• Comments that went no where and achieved nothing.
• This is an incredibly common approach to meetings addressing big problems, change, culture, and the like.
• And, unfortunately, it’s not a far cry from practices used in Board meetings and strategy meetings. Anytime, actually, when the objective is too general and no one has done the hard work of figuring out what needs to be accomplished.

The best way to engage people, is to ask them genuine questions that need answers. To ask them for specific experiences and examples that demonstrate and clarify a problem. To ask them for specific ideas of what success might look like or how a problem might be solved. And to ask all of these questions within a clear context that explains why they are there and within a logical sequence that leads to whatever needs to be different when you are done.

If you ask for specifics with a clear and meaningful objective, it’s not tough to engage people. It’s not hard to get them talking. On the contrary, it makes participation effective, efficient, and easy for all involved. Do your homework. Don’t go fishing. And if you don’t know how to figure out what must be different when you are done, get help. There is no excuse for wasting the precious time of others.