I feel sorry for lots of under-performers. You know the ones. The guys who don’t quite measure up but don’t understand why because no one as ever told them! One minute they hear what sounds like praise, but it’s followed by innuendo and confusing comments.

Most of us have no desire to hurt someone’s feelings. So what happens when we have to point out a performance problem?

The natural tendency is to try to reduce the bad news by starting off with something positive. That’s the praise that confuses. Especially when you dig really deep to find the good things.

It is even worse if you make up excuses for the guy that inadvertently make the problem look like a positive! “You are so good it is only natural that others would be jealous.” And then you expect the under-performer to believe that the way he makes people feel is important? Don’t laugh. I’ve seen this happen.

These difficult conversations usually make the boss feel he has done his duty. The under-performer remains as confused as ever. And the problem persists, much to the chagrin of the boss who steeled himself to provide the difficult feedback.

Quit trying to be so nice! Here is a far better approach:

• Identify the factual, specific, observable behavior that is a problem.
• Select a private opportunity to explain those facts.
• Explain the negative impact of that behavior.
• Acknowledge that you don’t know “the other side of the story” or the reasons anyone does what they do, but that something has got to change and you are happy to help figure out what.

This approach is nice too, by the way. But in a different way. This approach is more honest. It is also more respectful because facts are unveiled, judgment isn’t. If you stick to the facts and invoke a problem solving mindset, you can be a respectful partner, not a boss trying not to beat up on an employee.