Who are you when you ask questions?

1. The Challenger

“Why are you doing Y when we haven’t done X?” A question like this may be completely innocent, but it may also be a challenge disguised as a question. The Challenger clearly believes the other person is wrong and is often eager to prove it. While the tone of voice usually betrays those intentions, the recipient may never notice as he struggles to answer the question and wonders why he is feeling and sounding defensive.

2. The Ambusher

The Ambusher asks a series of questions, each quite simple, and often requiring nothing more than a yes or no. If you are on the receiving end, you reply innocently while trying to figure out where these questions are leading. Next thing you know, you’ve been ambushed. The Ambusher almost chuckles aloud thinking he has caught you in a contradiction or led you to an unavoidable conclusion. Of course, all he has really done is wasted your time and revealed himself as a manipulator. 

3. The Show-off

Some people ask questions just to impress. They don’t really care about the answer. They seize opportunities to show off and excuses to speak up. They want to be noticed.

4. The Intimidator

The Intimidators asks questions to expose a weakness and prove they are better and smarter than others. They often ask detailed questions using esoteric terms. While their desire for attention is similar to the Show-offs, they are far worse because they want to knock others down to boost themselves up.

5. The Learner

The Learner asks questions to learn. When they ask why someone is doing Y before X, they honestly want to know. When they ask a series of questions, the progression makes sense and isn’t driven by ulterior motives. They don’t show others up, put them down, or make them feel defensive. Even bonafide experts know they don’t know everything and the boss who sees someone operating contrary to plan asks to understand why.

When The Learner asks questions, the tone of voice and body language are open, curious, and respectful, and the ensuing discussion is one of mutual exploration. This is the only way to ask questions that is truly productive.

What kind of questioner are you? If you aren’t sure, get some feedback from others. You may be surprised by what you hear.