A recent article in The New York Times generated several responses on a forum I frequent. The only problem was I could not believe they had all read the same article I had read. Each person reacted to a different component of the article. Latched on and took off. At the same time, each assumed the others were reacting to the same thing. The reality was they simply weren’t talking to each other. They thought they were, but they weren’t.

It was unbelievable, but it wasn’t. I see this every day.

I remember the first meeting I attended at a new job many years ago. I sat at the table and listened.I was too new to contribute. However, at some point, I was just too confused to remain silent, despite being a totally Swedish introverted engineer.

“Do you think he just agreed with you?”

It seemed a ridiculous question.

“What do you think he just said?”

Another ridiculous question.

But it was the best I could muster. And it saved the meeting.

These two were talking, but neither was listening. Both were keying off totally different issues. They heard what they wanted to hear and pressed forward. Others in the meeting also chimed in when they thought they heard something with which they wanted to agree or disagree.

Maybe only the Swedish introverted engineers are listening carefully enough to notice, but this is not uncommon. It literally happens every day. All around you. It is a wonder communication succeeds at all.